As the winter rages on, the days shorten, the light fades, and the cold enters our hearts and homes. Seasonal depression creeps in the shadows, and this year has amplified the strength of its presence.
With the pandemic quarantine, I’ve been forced to think of what may be in my future. I fear incarceration. Though I know I will never make up for the life I have taken, I am still afraid to lose my freedom. I love my children, and want to be present for the important milestones. I want to hold my sons as the winter sun sets early in the afternoon, and be there as the days grow longer and spring brings new life. However, my mind has been spiraling into the catacombs of my innermost consternation. But the beauty of the holidays brings peace and joy.
As Christmas is ending, the strings of lights have illuminated the darkness around my neighborhood. The approaching New Year brings me excitement and hope that this dreadful year, though over, will bring change to this country. The vaccines for the COVID-19 pandemic have begun to circulate across the country, president elect Joe Biden will take his position as President alongside the first female Vice President, Kamala Harris, and I will personally continue to teach the younger generations of my wrongdoings in order to prevent more lives lost.
Despite my uncertain fate, I am reminded to continue using mindful meditation. I must move onwards and upwards, not only for myself and my family, but for the victims family. I cannot stay isolated in pity-like a phoenix, I will rise.